


taking a moment to consider you

by ninanna



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Birthday, Fluff, Future Fic, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Levi-centric (Shingeki no Kyojin), Mostly Gen, Navel-Gazing, Sentimental Levi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-20 09:32:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3645369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninanna/pseuds/ninanna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is Eren Jaeger's 19th birthday and Levi's new squad decides to throw him a small celebration. Unfortunately for them, they have no money or skills for such fancy traditions of the upper class. Fortunately for them, they have a very unlikely ally.</p>
<p>Or that birthday story where Levi muses about youth, spies on the bizarre activities of his subordinates, reminisces about Isabel and Farlan, bakes a cake, throws a party, talks of flowers, talks of his mum, and makes Eren cry. In a good way though-- in a good way that changes his perception of things and people, of Eren, beautifully.</p>
            </blockquote>





	taking a moment to consider you

Mikasa Ackerman is many things but ‘sloppy’ is not one of them and hence Levi is more than a little surprised when she is late for training two days in a row. He thinks, it must be youth; even if Mikasa acts so composed and akin to an aged veteran, she is barely nineteen after all and in those rare calm nights when everyone stays late in the mess hall, drinking and playing cards, her amused gaze and relaxed manners betray the façade of cold-hearted soldier she sticks to otherwise. Perhaps they found another place in the old castle to convene and blabber on; perhaps they fool around—Levi has been in the army long enough to know it’s not uncommon, even in times of war. They are in a fortunately serene time too; it’s full of opportunity for some unwinding.

 

When this repeats for the fourth day in a row though, Levi is not surprised any longer, but irritated and a bit curious. He carefully stalks Mikasa the whole day and finds her sneak out to the kitchen in the dead middle of night. She works in silence and with precision but it must not be fruitful for whatever she makes at the end, she throws away with a frown.

 

It is almost dawn and they both get less than usual sleep that night. Levi cannot understand the weird occurrence but he can understand her reason for being late to the morning run; even Levi cannot properly function with just 2 hours of sleep.

 

It doesn’t end with Mikasa.

 

Armin seems to disappear to nowhere during the day, again and again, resigning Levi to use his hunting skills once more to discover that the young man is escaping to the nearby forest with a book in hand. At first, Levi thinks it must be of erotic kind; back when he had first joined the army, they were quite popular with cadets. He is about to return and leave the boy to his own intimacy when Armin pulls out a notepad which is certainly not useful in regards to ways of self-pleasure. His studious subordinate does not in fact succumb to any such act of passion and instead starts diligently taking notes from the book he is holding. Levi snorts softly and wonders if the kid is generally uninterested in carnal acts like himself; it appears that Armin is busy studying whatever has caught his attention and thinking that the world is a better place with an Armin of greater knowledge, Levi leaves. One question nibbles a corner of his mind, however; he cannot fathom why the blond didn’t use the meeting quarters back in the castle or the small desk he has in the room he shares with Eren.

 

The others soon join to this new trend of acquiring bizarre aspects. Jean offers to clean the main hall in the second floor that has not been used for many months and since this is the same soldier who whines the most during routine cleaning cycles, Levi is certain something is amiss with his squad. Krista is following Eren around as though they are conjoined twins despite the other’s obvious displeasure at the company; Krista is never clingy with any of them and not strictly buddy-buddy with Eren. Thus, Levi’s suspicions flare even more.

 

The only one behaving ordinary seem to be Sasha, who is still stealing food, and Connie who acts as goofy as always. Or at least until one fateful afternoon when Connie comes and bashfully sits across Levi in the hall where nobody else is present and Levi is enjoying his customary tea.

 

“Captain,” he asks after a few seconds of useless twitching and fidgeting, “how do you make tea?”

 

Levi raises an eyebrow, swallows his mouthful, puts his cup on the table gingerly, and asks with an even voice:

 

“What the hell is going on? Spill.”

 

Connie gulps and lets it all free in one nonsensical rambling; “birthday” is mentioned though, so Levi gets the picture. He sighs and when the young man before him gasps into silence, he feels a bit annoyed; he isn’t angry and he didn’t want to make such an impression. He must admit he finds it rather childish, things like celebrating birthdays; he has never celebrated his… Well, Isabel had made him celebrate it once, actually; the first and the last time his own birthday was celebrated. It had been rather fun he would have to confess and he had been young—they all had been young. These soldiers he is supposed to lead are also a bunch of brats, after all, so he understands the urge. He is about to open his mouth to curtly inform Connie of his stupidity and also state how he does not care about what they do in their spare time, especially now that they have some precious moments of calm before the storm of upcoming expedition. He never finds the chance though because Connie makes a much unexpected announcement:

 

“Sir, it’s for Eren!”

 

As if the whole shenanigan being for Eren would make it any different. Still, somehow, this particular piece of information manages to jumble Levi’s thoughts and his eyebrows furrow. He regards Connie for some time and the boy continues looking at him with wide, pleading eyes that only make him look like an ugly pup.

 

He sighs again and his dishevelled ideas are now in place. However, their order is quite different than before.

 

“You want to make him tea?”

 

“Yeah, for his party. We thought it would be good with cake.”

 

“Good with cake? You’re buying him a cake?”

 

“Well, the closest bakery is still days of journey away and the cost… We discussed but thought he would be more upset than happy with such extravagance.”

 

“So? How are you planning to have a cake?”

 

“Mikasa says she can bake it. Armin has been researching.”

 

“Researching? For a cake? And Mikasa baking?” He scoffs and Connie gives him this funny look, which speaks loudly of the young man’s bemusement which only amuses Levi even more.

 

“Fine. Tell the others to meet in my office after the dinner. I’ll make Eren do the dishes.”

 

“Ah, but that’s two people’s work.”

 

“A bit of hard work before his merry day shouldn’t hurt,” Levi shrugs and takes his cup back. Connie is strangely insightful this time; he grins and takes the cue, leaving Levi alone.

 

* * *

 

 

 

It had been Isabel’s birthday that he first celebrated in his life. It is not only because the tradition itself was almost nonexistent in the gutter where they lived. He had never found a particular value in remembering one’s starting moment to mortality; while he understood how one must cherish every breathing minute and never knew of anyone who was lucky enough to die of old age, he could not empathise with why it had to be a joyful occasion or involve the specific kinds of food or cheers that it did. To him, any day alive was equally worthwhile.

 

For Isabel, it was different.

 

She had talked about it so much and with so much enthusiasm too that it had become a necessity for Farlan and Levi to oblige, which they did. At the beginning, he must admit, he found it tedious; all the bits of information and thus partially veiled demands that Isabel made sounded too complicated and superfluous. The cake had been the most needless and troublesome; none of them knew how to cook properly, Farlan mostly managing to either buy or mix up something edible. This time, however, after three trials of pure failure that left their tiny kitchen a disaster zone, Levi had concluded that this task would be better in his hands. It was very difficult, much more so than the soup he made that one time when Isabel had been ill, but the recipe baker gave was clear and Farlan could have made it too, probably, had he not tried to convolute it with all the extra stuff he added because he thought it would be better with.

 

The ’party’ hadn’t been luxurious at all with their measly income and his cake rather ugly-looking, but when they tasted, it was sweet and creamy, and Isabel had eaten half of it by herself alone, which had caused her to complain about her stomach all night. Pain from overeating was something they were all foreign to and particularly did not sit well with Levi; this time, however, he had taken it as a momentary blessing, another amusing aspect of their odd adventure into this tradition, and in any case he could never stay sour when Isabel laughed so wholeheartedly and Farlan made the silliest tipsy jokes.

 

Thanks to Isabel's stubborn pressure they ended up celebrating Farlan's and Levi's birthdays too that year. Sometimes, when Levi is in dire need of a good memory to dispel the dark shadows and deluges of blood drowning him inside, he recalls them. He recalls that year, those three clumsy attempts to reach happiness and he thinks they might have been successful, because a defiant smile arrives to his lips every time.

 

* * *

 

 

Mikasa is adamantly against the idea as soon as Levi utters it.

 

“It was decided that I’d be the one to bake the cake,” she barks between tense lips and adds, upon Armin’s nudge, “sir.”

 

Levi sighs because this will be the most tiresome affair he has undertaken, even though he has not even started it yet.

 

“Have you ever baked?”

 

She is confused and considers him as though he has just asked if she has two heads.

 

“Of course not but—“

 

“Well I have.”

 

Right at that moment, if a feather fell to the ground, its sound would echo around the small space of Levi’s office and tremble it with its strength—it’s that silent.

 

“You…” Armin scrutinises him, “you have cooked before, sir?”

 

“Cooked, not so much, but I have baked a cake a few times. Three to be exact.”

 

Their faces still scream doubt and bewilderment but Levi does not have time for their dim assumptions. He has been told that Eren’s birthday is in two days. They don’t have much time left.

 

* * *

 

 

“This is ridiculous.” He huffs and then narrows his eyes because he is certain that Armin just almost giggled.

 

“But sir, if it’s one of us, there’s a chance he’ll make an excuse and not follow…”

 

It has a bit of truth in it even though Levi suspects there’s a subtext he is not appropriately deciphering. He is tired though and would much rather not like to be in the awkwardly greeting crowd; in honesty, he would rather not be in this event at all. When he had taken the matter into his own hands, it was more because he pitied this useless squad of his than an actual interest in parties or Eren’s birthday. There is, however, a part of him that is sincerely curious about how the cake turned out; it looks as ugly as the time he first made it years ago and he allowed Armin to add those tiny fruits Connie and Sasha had collected from the bushes nearby. Both Armin and Sasha assured him that they were alright to eat but the dark pink one he tried was too sour so he is still conflicted about what it would do the taste of his creation.

 

He finds Eren sitting in the large backyard where they do basic drills every morning; the brunet has found a patch of flowers on the ground that he is observing attentively, likely daydreaming.

 

“I told you to tend to the horses.”

 

Eren quickly gets up and straightens his wrinkled clothing; Levi realises only faint stains of green and not even a trace of the stink he expected.

 

“I already finished, Captain.” Eren explains, “Then I took a bath to clean up and just…”

 

“Just?”

 

“Nothing. I thought I’d take a break…” He mumbles and shifts his weight, then chuckles and points to the small blue flowers adorning the ground between them. “It seems Connie missed a part when he cleared the weeds yesterday.”

 

“No,” Levi crosses his arms on his chest, “I told him not to touch those since they are flowers.”

 

Eren looks at him innocently and curious and Levi raises his head to properly face Eren; he recognises, how much his now oldest-serving squad member has grown over the years. There is a good head of difference in their heights now and Eren has started wearing his hair long, which is a bit messy but frames his face nicely. His jaw has become more prominent and childish softness of his face has faded away, mostly. It is still youthful though, understandably, because he is still so young—so old inside yet so young at the same time, and Levi can understand such a position for he had been in it once. There is not a single scar on Eren’s body and it only further adds to his tender appearance; in contrast every single fellow graduate of Eren is covered in various marks of small or grave injuries, of personal mistakes or titans’ wrath.

 

“Captain?”

 

Levi blinks and realises that he has been silently staring at Eren. It is uncharacteristic of him and he is confused by his own actions so much that his arms fall to his sides and for a moment he tries to find a reason for his own odd behaviour. But he cannot and in fact this only stretches the charged silence between them more. He coughs and rubs a hand through his undercut, which for some reason makes Eren tilt his head and softly blush.

 

“They are alive,” Levi explains, “my mother once told me that plants are alive too. Just… not like us. Weeds are harmful and get everywhere but these didn’t seem to be so.”

 

He is not sure why he confesses to this. He is sure he regrets it as soon as he says it aloud. He has not mentioned his mother in over a decade and all the times he has mentioned her since her passing when he was only a child could be counted with the fingers of a single hand.

 

His eyes fall to the blameless blossoms at their feet and he sighs. It has been extraordinary few days and perhaps he is getting old; he thinks that must be it, his age has started making him do stupid things, think stupid things, say stupid things and then Eren’s gentle voice intervenes to his internal grumbling:

 

“That’s good to know,” he says and even his voice smiles such that Levi is already aware of the peaceful curve of Eren’s lips even before lifting his gaze to the other’s face. “Thanks for telling me, Captain.”

 

Levi wonders if it is the first time he has seen Eren smile. It is likely not and he can recall hearing Eren’s quiet laughter during those late-night card games the young ones played. There is still something profoundly different about the way Eren smiles or perhaps in the way Levi perceives this smile. He blinks and shakes his head; he must be getting old, truly.

 

“Follow me,” he orders and turns his back without even a speck of doubt that Eren will follow him. By now, if he was to walk towards a horde of titans, Eren would follow him—the knowledge is more bittersweet than assuring.

 

“Where are we going?” Eren asks after a few moments of silence when they are entering the castle and Levi hums contentedly; because Eren would follow him to the depths of hell but not without a question and Levi treasures this part about the sole hope of humanity. Levi appreciates Eren’s loyalty and defiance alike.

 

“Shut up,” he replies and hears Eren groan quietly; he smirks at this, it reminds him a bit of the way Isabel used to whine. He thinks, Eren would never behave so a few years ago. This is better, he decides; this is much better.

 

They climb the stairs to the second floor without any words and once they are in front of the door of the main hall, Levi takes a step to the side and motions Eren to it.

 

“What?”

 

“Open it.”

 

“Sir, with all due respect—“

 

“Do you need to take a shit?”

 

“What—“

 

“Is that why you are fidgeting there like that and not entering?”

 

Eren pauses and considers him with the same befuddled face just like he has every time Levi has uttered something vulgar and out of place. But then he grins. Eren grins and Levi wonders, if this is the first time Eren has ever grinned to one of his jokes or to him at all. It is likely a first.

 

Eren nods and steps closer, pushing the slightly ajar door farther.

 

“Happy Birthday!”

 

The sudden, loud cacophony makes Levi roll his eyes and he moves to leave, only to come to a stop when he sees Eren thoroughly shocked and standing still. The cheerful greeting halts and Connie stops his strange dancing.

 

“Eren?” Armin asks, concerned, and Mikasa paces towards the birthday boy with careful steps.

 

“I just—“ Eren murmurs, his voice is hoarse, “I just hadn’t for—“

 

He raises a hand to signal Mikasa to stop and laughs lowly, which is promptly followed with a sob. “We didn’t have time for it for years and I—“

 

It is then he makes an immediate turn back towards the open door and gawks at Levi standing in the hallway, outside. There are tiny streams of tears on his face, making two tragically beautiful pathways on his tawny skin and Levi wonders, how many times he has seen Eren cry, he probably would never be able to know because it has been simply too many to count yet he is certain, he has absolutely no doubt that this is the first time he has seen Eren cry of happiness.

 

“Sir,” Eren whimpers, “you too? You were in this too?”

 

It sounds as something between an accusation and plea and Levi is baffled. Thankfully, Armin rushes to one side of Eren and Mikasa to the other.

 

Armin smiles, holding Eren’s shoulder with one hand; “Yes, in fact Captain Levi even baked the cake.”

 

Throughout the whole ordeal, Levi has not understood why everyone has been agape upon learning that he can bake. The incessant references to it during the last two days have made him slightly annoyed but never actually affected him. Now though, as Eren turns pink and smiles at him, lips trembling, his eyes shining pools of wet green and he sniffs and says, “thank you,” with a voice so broken with joy, Levi feels his throat constrict and tips of his ears flush.

 

“No need,” he responds, for the first time in decades feeling self-conscious as his whole squad focuses their attention on him.

 

“No, Captain, thank you,” Eren enunciates and asks in a small voice, “won’t you please join us?”

 

He cannot. He does not like noise and this meeting is certain to be noisy. He has a mountain of paperwork waiting him at his office and he would very much like to clean the mess back in the kitchen as soon as possible. But Eren looks at him with these eyes, as if Levi accepting his offer to come to this meagre gathering will mean the greatest victory of ages, will give meaning to life and burst flowers from everywhere. As if it’s his dearest wish and most desired gift; a gift for the greatest gift humanity has ever received.

 

Levi grimly realises that he cannot say “no” after he has already uttered aloud “alright.”

 

Eren grins once more and Levi steps inside.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> For the love of God or your faithlessness, tell me Levi wasn't OOC here? :') Or tell me if he was, so that I can fix it.


End file.
